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        您现在的位置: 全国优秀作文网 >> 教师范文 >> 写作指导 >> 正文    用户登录发表作文 新用户注册

        2016年荆州中考作文解析

        ——赏馨香一缕 得人生百味
        作者:陈志  作文来源:湖北省公安县玉湖初级中学  更新时间:2016/7/4  
        内容摘要:

        展开2016年荆州中考语文试卷,独具特色的作文题立刻吸引了大家的眼球。考生熟悉的全命题作文形式、定位明确的写作导语,让考生顿感轻松。文题没有浮夸的字眼、没有深奥的哲理仅是一句脱口而出的赞叹。清浅如一条明丽的小溪,让考生摆脱考试的束缚,又如一缕清新的风,吹散了置身考场中的紧张心情。让我们一起在小溪边漫步在清风中徜徉与考生一起深呼吸,感受此题的馨香。

        我型我秀

        走进自然,阳光、泥土、野花……哇,好香!推开家门,爸爸的饭菜,妈妈的唠叨……哇,好香!一杯奶茶,一本新书,一个自由的午后……生活中,到处充溢着沁人心脾的芬芳。请你以“哇,好香”为题,写一篇记叙文

        要求:1、目写在作文格的第一

        2、文章贴近生活、言之有物,禁止抄袭和套作。

        3、认真书写,力求工整、美观。

        4、文中不得出现真实的人名、校名 

        真题解读

        这个文题朴素接地气,解读起来不费吹灰之力,它一方面最大程度地避免了死板的套作,平时投机取巧,猜题、押题的同学可要大失所望了。一方面又源于生活,每个考生都能写出属于自己的故事,不会存在无法下笔成文的现象

        但是成就一篇成功的习作不仅限于此,如果考生仅仅掌握了某种知识技能却不能体味平凡生活的美好,懂得珍惜与感恩,就不能打造出鲜活的作文。新课标有这样的要求:“写作要感情真挚,力求表达自己对自然、社会、人生的独特感受和真切体验……多角度地观察生活,发现生活的丰富多彩,捕捉事物的特征,力求有创意的表达。此题正能考察评价考生否具备这些能力出题者期待考生观察生活、热爱生活,让自己成为一个懂得自爱和心存感恩的人,成为一个具有悲悯情怀和境界高远的人。如此,才会在生活中常常发出“哇,好香”的赞叹。

        有了这样的理解,这篇考场作文,考生们才会写出真情实感,带领读者去嗅得那一缕清香。下面,我们放松身心,开放五官,激发灵感,来谈一谈如何通过此文来呈现生活的“香”。 

        写作指津

        1、寻香,于平常间

        生活中处处有“香”,如果考生是一个热爱生活、观察生活的人,写作的素材俯拾皆是,况且写作导言中已提供了宽泛的材料。对于吃货来说,令人垂涎三尺的美食是不二选择;对养花种草的人来说,赏心悦目的花草是最佳是材料……除了这些实在“香”,还可以离开原点,超越本意,化虚为实,写出“灵魂的香味”“幸福的香味”。这样想来,是不是有了更广阔的写作空间和自由呢?无论如何,只要能嗅出、尝出、品出“香”的,都是供考生选用加工的素材。经深思熟虑后仔细打磨,定能写出“人无我有,人有我新”的佳作。

        当然,考生不要忽略了感叹词“哇”,它是一种心情的表达、情感的流露,是对后面“好”的强调。只有在内心受到触动有了美好的领悟后,才会发出这样的感叹。重视它,全文的感情基调才有准确的定位。所以,考生无论写美食、花草、书香、旅行,最终的落脚点都表现出自身的沉醉。

        2、品香,在细微处

        即使选择了贴近生活、具有个性的材料,如果不注重细节的描写,也不会成就令人动容的作品。泛泛地谈某人某事某物,只会给人“空”与“浮”的感觉让读者也能品到那一缕幽香,关键在于考生能运用娴熟的细节描写技巧,捕捉到无形的“香”,具体地展现在作文中。考生首先要敏锐地感知“”最浓处,定格于此,开放五官后,多角度雕琢。如写美食,就调动味蕾,细细地品味:入口、咀嚼、回味,相信每个细微的变化都能品尝出来。还可以运用通感,把它的味道通过声音、颜色,立体地呈现。这样,从细微处下功夫,做到描写细致入微,才能具体生动地展示对生活的独特感悟,以此拨动读者内心最温柔的心弦。

        3、赞香,存动情时

        发掘文题的深意,确定了一个新颖、深刻、积极的主题,能给读者提供广阔的想象空间,获得生动的情趣和丰富的联想。此文中,“香”味只是表面的主角,情感或体悟才是文章的灵魂。如果精心构思没有深入挖掘“香”的真意,那这篇习作就淡而无味。只有发现“香”的内涵,自然升发对“香”的赞美,这样的习作才会香气芬馥,让人不忍释卷

        考生要在文章动情之时,适地运用议论和抒情的表达方式,抒发自身的独特感受,表达个人对“香”的赞美。有了这样画龙点睛的句子,“香”的内涵表达得淋漓尽致,人生百味尽显,文章的主题会极其鲜明,才会成就一篇意旨高远的美文。

        佳作秀场

        哇,好香

        某考生

        那年清晨,雪花飞舞,到处白雪皑皑,成了一个粉装玉砌的世界。我和弟弟在村口迎接到了赶早出门采购的爸爸。看他买回了活蹦乱跳的大草鱼,想必今年做的鱼糕一定软乎乎、香喷喷。我们一左一右,欢呼雀跃拉着爸爸回了家。

        一到家,爸爸就扯着嗓子向妈妈邀功请赏:“老板娘,鱼买回来了,正宗的江鱼!”妈妈闻声应答:“知道了,老板,等会你多吃一块。”一问一答,好像动听的歌谣,拉开了全家总动员、一起蒸鱼糕的序幕。

        弟弟笨手笨脚,将蛋清与蛋黄分开;妈妈心灵手巧,将鱼的白肉剔下来,又将肥肉切成了丁状;爸爸身强力壮,双手拿刀,一阵挥舞,将这些原料剁成肉泥;我比往常都懂事,将早已洗净的蒸笼涮了又涮。忙碌的妈妈点燃了炉灶,我赶紧添了一把柴,把锅里的水烧得 “咕噜咕噜”直冒泡。等爸爸把肉泥剁好,均匀地倒在蒸锅里,就盖上盖子,加大火力,静候鱼糕出炉。灶膛内松枝烧的“噼啪”直,散发出特有的植物的香味,欢快火苗地跳来跳去发出温暖的红光。不一会,蒸笼上方开始冒出一缕缕水汽。这时厨房里开始弥漫着鱼与肉融合的香味。随着蒸汽越来越多,鱼糕的清香也飘到了房子的每个角落。偶尔,有晶莹的雪花从窗棱间钻进来,大概也是被鱼糕的香味所吸引吧。等鱼糕的香味在屋前屋后飘散,就可以给它穿龙袍了。妈妈迅速地将打散的鸡蛋黄均匀地涂到鱼糕饼上,又盖上盖。

        再蒸个三分钟,爸爸卖弄似地吆喝“出笼啦——”。终于盼到了最期待的时刻,我们拥到蒸笼跟前。揭开盖,“噗”的一下,一股浓郁的香味扑面而来,肉香、鱼香,结合得如此完美,撩逗着我的每个细胞,沉醉在这异香中,任凭那清香透过毛孔弥漫全身五脏,不禁垂涎欲滴,我和弟弟不约而同,惊呼道:“哇!真香!”

        爸爸看着刚出炉的鱼糕亮着诱人的光泽,如一个身穿金袍的玉美人,眼里满是得意。妈妈不慌不忙,像举行庄重的仪式,把鱼糕分割成若干方块,从中挑出最整齐的一块,装在了青花瓷盘中,吩咐道:“趁热,把这块鱼糕送给村头的王大爷,今年他一个人留在家里过年,也让他尝个鲜。”我和弟弟听话地出了门。鱼糕的香味一路飘散,引得雪花一路追逐。当我们告诉妈妈,王大爷连声称赞这是他吃过的最香的鱼糕时,妈妈的笑更甜了,把肥而不腻的鱼糕塞在我们的嘴里,嘴馋的腮帮子涨得鼓鼓的,用嘴轻轻一抿,那松软喷香的感觉即在味蕾间绽开。

        那个冬日的雪早已融化,但那天鱼糕的香味却让我回味至今,那是幸福的味道、乡情的味道、时间的味道。它灿烂了时光,芬芳了岁月,成为我心底最温暖的记忆。 

        评:本文情真意浓,选题巧妙,立意深刻作者选择家乡的特产——鱼糕来承载亲情与乡情,让人不禁神往。这鱼糕的香味之所以历久弥香,正是因为它包含的情谊之深、之浓,立意变得深刻,结尾处的议论让主旨突显。用词鲜活生动,多用细节描写,有全家人一起蒸鱼糕的过程,让人忍不住垂涎欲滴。从准备材料到蒸糕吃糕,写得具体详实,让人身临其境。可爱纯真的孩子、勤劳朴实的父母形象,牢牢地印在读者脑海。让作者赞叹怀念的不仅仅是美味的鱼糕,还有那满载欢乐的童年、温馨的乡情。难怪作者会对惊叹:“哇!真香”就让这份浓香,驻在心头,永不消散



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